


made of dead stars

by Brim



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: AU to Paradise Lost, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Sandalphon-centric, basically my attempt at writing a "lucifer lives" au, bumpy road but has a Happy End, but it can be read as lucisan too, might add more tags as i go along, my contribution to the サンルシ swamp, sanluci
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-11-04 11:57:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17897996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brim/pseuds/Brim
Summary: By the great powers that be, Lucifer was given a second chance at life. Sandalphon was given a second chance to talk to him.AU to Paradise Lost, main segment was written before 000. 4th Chapter is a bonus chapter of sorts, set after the ending.Chapter 3/3 – Finished on 26th of Feb. 2019Chapter 4 – 2nd of June, 2019





	1. miracle of the stars

**Author's Note:**

> No beta so as hard I try to edit it myself if there’s a typo or missing word then…I am deeply sorr.y.

   The sky was full of endless possibilities. Numerous events taking place at the same time could cause the impossible to become possible. Sandalphon recalled Lucifer speaking with fascination about the infinite routes of evolution and the different ways civilization could advance. Sandalphon didn’t really care about it back then – he was simply happy to hear Lucifer’s voice as the latter went on and on about his observations of the sky and its people. No detail, no matter how small or insignificant, went unnoticed by Lucifer’s endless curiosity.

 _“If only he was that good at reading people…”_ Sandalphon thought as he took a sip from his coffee.

“What do you think, Sandalphon?” Lucifer turned to him. The faintest almost-smile ghosted across his mouth.   

“W-what do I think?” Sandalphon blinked, looking away from him. He was caught off guard by the question. He wasn’t really listening to his ramblings in great details nor was he pondering on the topic.

   He had to think of something – Lucifer was expecting an answer.

“I think…that, people should control their own fate rather than expect destiny to lead them somewhere.” Sandalphon scratched the back his head nervously. He wasn’t certain if this was the answer Lucifer was looking for.

   The smile on Lucifer’s face strengthened, becoming almost a real one, or the closest resemblance to one that the Supreme Primarch could manage.

“I see. I agree as well, Sandalphon.”

 

_So, given the opportunity to control your own fate what actions would you take? What would you do to correct your wrongdoings and find happiness?_

….

 

   Bringing the dead was something Sandalphon thought of as impossible, but he was wrong.   

   There was a long and brutal battle against Avatar in which the Supreme Primarch and his Primarch fought bravely alongside a crew of skydwellers lead by the sky realm’s Singularity. Eventually they managed to vanquish the evil and end its path of destruction.

“Paradise Lost!” He called one more time, channeling powers, once foreign to him and now fully his own. 

   The being crumbled – Avatar’s numerous cores collapsed under the weight of its own existence and the protectors of the sky’s relentless assault. The internal structural balance making Avatar’s existence whole couldn’t maintain balance and Avatar exploded. The blast was extremely bright and powerful, almost destroying the entire island. Sandalphon, the Supreme Primarch, used the last of his strength to protect the crew and his allies from it, exhausting completely the remaining of his powers.

   A cloud of energy covered the island, thick enough to be visible as a fog.

“Is it…over?” He, with his superior senses of the Supreme Primarch,could still hear the crew wondering what had happened in the aftershock.

   Lucilius’ legacy was an unstable being with no sentience. It driven solely by an impulse for destruction and Sandalphon finally ended its miserable existence. Remnants of Lucilius’ faction and allies were still alive but there weren’t a lot of places left to hide or resources that remained for them to try to abuse and become a major threat for the skies again. Sandalphon was confident that it wouldn’t take long for him and the skydwellers to find them and bring them to justice.

   The avenger’s quest was almost at its end.

_“Lucifer. My promise is coming to an end…maybe now I can…”_

    The destruction of Avatar was a major victory but Sandalphon’s joy over it rang hollow. He felt empty – the intense emotions he’d felt leading up to the battle were gone and he couldn’t even find peace in the numbness that permeated his whole being and stripped him of the happiness and fullness of his achieved glory.

     His head felt completely disconnected from his body.  

_“…San…dalphon…”_

    That is until he sensed it again – a familiar presence whose phantom haunted his dreams every night.

“Lu…Lucifer?” He called out in disbelief. There was no reply, as always, but unlike his nightmares the presence didn’t disappear again.

“Lucifer…” Sandalphon’s voice was faint, trying to focus on the location of his presence. He dashed across the battlefield like mad, exhaustion be damned. The fierce battle with Lucilius’ legacy reduced the island to charred ruins – all native life forms were destroyed and there was little hope that the island could ever be livable again.

“Lucifer, where are you?” He ran, almost tripping on debris as he yelled.

     The only thing left behind by Avatar was a dense core. It materialized into a pure white figure, faintly glowing amidst the dissolving remains of the once mighty beast.

“Lucifer!” Sandalphon called out breathlessly when he saw it. He flew towards it; his white wings tired but kept moving by the adrenaline of his discovery.

  The figure’s glow faded, revealing Lucifer’s materialized form lying motionless on the ground. The closer Sandalphon got the more he felt like he was in a dream and he was about to wake up any moment now. Except it wasn’t a dream – a notion that registered to Sandalphon fully knelt down beside him, too exhausted and shocked to remain on his feet.

“Hey, Lucifer!” He cautiously placed his hand on his shoulder and shook gently. Lucifer’s eyelids remained closed. Sandalphon sat closer and pulled him into his arms.

“Lucifer…” There was no reaction but Sandalphon didn’t despair. The presence was without a doubt his and the weight on his lap was definitely real as well. His body looked battered, his armor scratched and his clothes torn. Sandalphon exhaled in relief and cradled Lucifer’s head. Unlike last time, the body was whole. 

    Eventually the blue-haired girl managed to find them. She gasped in surprise at the sight of them and ran towards them, completely forgetting her own fatigue from fighting alongside the Singularity.

“Sandalphon!” Her concerned voice rang across the battlefield, disconnecting Sandalphon from his trance. He jerked his head towards her.

"Lyria...?" He felt dazed by the emotions bubbling in his chest. 

“Sandalphon, that’s…” Lyria panted heavily once she managed to reach them.

“Yeah, yeah…” He nodded, his voice quiet. Sandalphon clang to Lucifer’s body and he knew that if he let go of it he’d start shaking. Despite the fact that he was completely flabbergasted by this revelation he refused to show his turbulent emotional status in front of others.

    Lyria raised her hands above them and closed her eyes. A faint blue glow engulfed them in a small circle. Sandalphon still didn’t know everything behind it – how exactly the blue-haired girl’s powers worked, but this wasn’t the time to ask for it. Various remains of the shattered orb around them started glowing like fireflies. The fog dispersed, thus making and it easier and easier to breathe.

“They’re...”

“They can’t be saved.” Lyria explained with a sad tone. Her expression turned thoughtful as she focused her powers on Lucifer’s core.

“Hmm…his presence is faint, but.” The faint glow around them disappeared.

“But?” Sandalphon asked, anxious.

     Lyria smiled. She lowered her hands by her side.

“He is weak but he will be fine.”

     Sandalphon never felt more relieved in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you very much for reading! I really appreciate your feedback!
> 
> this is actually the first time I'm trying to write a multi-chapter fic and it was getting kind of long and well, I decided to split it  
> the goal is to finish it before part 3
> 
> but the best summary would be - just because lucifer is back, doesn't mean it would fix his poor communication skills or sandalphon's ...issues,


	2. rays of light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer wakes up. Sandalphon tries to help him as much as possible.

   Lucifer slept for 3 days. During that period Sandalphon didn’t dare to leave his side. He claimed in front of the crew that the purpose of his watch was for protection but the true reason was so that he could ensure that everything was alright and that Lucifer was fine.  Also to think about what to say to him once he woke up.

    Lucifer was placed in was a small room at the back of the ship. The room’s furniture setup was very bare but covered the basic necessities – a single bed under the porthole, a simple nightstand, an old trunk by the wall and a wooden chair placed on the side of the bed on which Sandalphon spend most of his time, watching over Lucifer.   

“Sandalphon! You should rest as well.” Lyria urged him numerous times since they got back on the ship. Sandalphon did his best to hide his exhaustion but very few things escaped the blue-haired girl.

“I’m fine.” He answered listlessly. He really wasn’t – the only thing that kept him awake was the thought of seeing Lucifer awake. His body had the powers of the Supreme Primarch, sure, but the original transfer was flawed and as such while his control over ~~Lucifer’s powers~~ his powers got better, it came at the cost of him needing more time to recover. And he really wasn’t letting himself rest as he should.

“If you don’t feel well then Lucifer will be worried when he sees you!” Lyria tried to get him to sleep with that sentimentality but Sandalphon didn’t cave in.

 _If he wakes up_ , a dark part of his mind still doubted whether this would happen or not. With that in mind he didn’t know if he was even be capable of sleep, because he was too absorbed in his worry and anxiety. The only way to overcome it was to be certain that Lucifer was alright and the only way to verify that was to see him awake.

    So until then he was staying awake.

    He leaned back on his chair, switching between staring out of the small round window or watching Lucifer’s sleeping form. The former Supreme Primarch lied completely still on the bed. He was stripped down to only his pants and thin shirt. The rest of his gear was stored in the room’s trunk. The crew’s medics cleaned him of the blood and grime he was covered in but there was nothing else they could do – as a primal beast, recovery spells weren’t as effective on him so they had no other choice but to wait. So Sandalphon waited.

     It was late into the evening the first time Lucifer woke up. Sandalphon settled down against the wall, seated on the trunk and dozing off. Due to the unorthodox position it was a very a shallow sleep. He originally moved there in order to shut his eyes for at least 5 minutes but more time than intended passed.   

    Lucifer grunted and his eyes slowly cracked open.

“San..dalphon?” He barely managed to call for. He tried to rise up to a seating position but lulled himself like a drunkard and lied back down. Sandalphon immediately jerked awake and rushed by his side.

“Yes, Lucifer? It’s me, Sandalphon.” He knelt beside his bed. Lucifer looked at his face but his eyes only saw dark spots and blurs – the light in the room was too bright and it made him feel sick and dizzy.    

“I’m…” Lucifer tried to speak again but couldn’t continue because he fainted. Sandalphon waited a minute, then five but there was no further reaction from Lucifer and that uneasy feeling he was having the past few days settled in him again.

    He tried to calm down by reassuring himself that Lucifer just needed more time and that he had to be patient. Sandalphon gently pulled the blanket back on Lucifer and tucked him in. Sandalphon got up on his feet and went out of the room. He quietly closed the door behind him and then dashed across the ship, his heels loudly tapping on the old wooden floor. He needed to find the Singularity and Lyria and report that Lucifer woke up.

“Blue-haired girl!! Singularity!” Sandalphon’s yells were loud enough to wake up the entire ship.

 

…

   Lucifer slept a lot. The following days he woke up a few more times but he was too tired and dazed to remain with his eyes open for more than one minute. Each time, Sandalphon went to Lyria to ask whether he was alright and every time Lyria reassured him that he was alright but had to recover.

“He’s just very tired, Sandalphon. You should let him sleep and you should rest as well!” Lyria was stubborn.

    Their morning coffee tradition temporarily moved to Lucifer’s room. They brought a spare wooden chair from another room. Sandalphon folded the chair and put it by the trunk every time they left because the room was already cramped enough as it was. Usually Lyria sat on it during their little gatherings, placing it next to his chair while the Singularity sat on the old trunk. Their chatter wasn’t as loud as usual in respect to the sleeping Lucifer. For the most part, time passed with the Singularity and Lyria talking about mundane things and villager’s requests while Sandalphon listened to them silently as he watched over Lucifer.

    They were concerned about him, it was evident in the worried looks and gentle smiles they gave him but he didn’t see a reason for them to be worried. After all Lucifer was alive and well, wasn’t he? Why else would they need to worry about him?

“I’ll take the tray.” The Singularity loaded the tray with their cups and waited for Lyria by the door. Lyria lingered on for a few moments, watching Sandalphon’s back. Eventually Lyria turned and followed the rest when they left.

“What was that all about?” Vyrn flapped his wings and flew closer to Lyria while they walked back to kitchen.

“He’s just…happy he’s back.” Lyria sighed. The crew didn’t really want to pester him and they were sympathetic to his overprotective side towards Lucifer but Lyria was getting more and more concerned about his zealous approach.

“I guess so.” The captain didn’t seem as concerned about it as her but was considering what they could do to help them.

 

    Late into the afternoon, Lucifer woke up once more.

“Sandalphon?” Lucifer’s eyes focused on the person sitting beside his bed.

“Yes, Lucifer. It’s me.” Sandalphon stood completely still in anticipation.

“What…happened?” Lucifer mumbled out. His voice was hoarse, as if he’d been shouting a lot. He managed to pull himself to a sitting position on the bed and tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes. Lucifer’s head was spinning and he could feel an aching pressure in his temple.

“Lucilius’ legacy is destroyed. The fallen angels don’t have where to hide, we’ll find them soon.” Sandalphon explained with a deliberately monotone voice the lines he was practicing to say the past few days.  

“Ah, I see…I am glad.” Sandalphon was getting more and more agitated the longer the silence between them stretched out.

“Lucifer…I…” Sandalphon shut his mouth. Now wasn’t the time. He had to wait. He had to be patient. He could clearly see that Lucifer wasn’t well and he was too tired and dazed to deal with him.

    Lucifer felt lethargic – his body’s recovery was slow and doing even the simplest of movement was a monumental challenge. Lucifer leaned back and his head plopped on the pillow. Blue eyes stared at the wooden ceiling dully.

“I’m sorry, but you could please leave me to rest.” His voice was still weak. Lucifer already looked like he was having difficulties staying awake.

“Yes, of course.” He managed to continue speaking with his carefully maintained neutral tone. Lucifer closed his eyes and turned towards the wall, lying on his stomach. He hastily pulled the blanked over himself and tucked himself in.

“You need to rest.” Sandalphon stood up from his chair and headed for the door.

    Lucifer’s consciousness dipped back into oblivion.

 

…

    Lucifer’s recovery was slow. His wings and powers were gone and he was no longer the Supreme Primarch – that meant that his recovery took a lot longer than expected. But Sandalphon was patient with him, always around whenever Lucifer woke up even if for just a few minutes. While waiting for him Sandalphon had grown a bit more accustomed the idea that he’s back and talking to him became easier. He doubted they would ever be able to converse like things were 2000 years ago but he was content with just making one step at a time.

    Numerous days later Lucifer started to gradually spend more and more time awake. He didn’t talk much, being the ever silent type, but every time he saw Sandalphon he greeted him politely.

    Sandalphon eventually decided to give a more in-depth report about what happened in the sky realm while Lucifer was gone. Lucifer nodded in acknowledgement and Sandalphon started reciting by memory. While he talked, Lucifer alternated between looking at him and looking out of the window by his bed. Occasionally he gave a comment or asked a question for clarification. Sandalphon found that talking to him this way was easier. Although he was extensive in his report, Lucifer’s questions helped him calm his nerves and regulate his emotions so he managed to cover everything he would’ve missed otherwise.

“Lucilius’ legacy is destroyed. His lackeys are still out there but…I’ll hunt them down eventually.” Sandalphon summarized his report while Lucifer blankly looked at him. Sandalphon swallowed.

“You…are no longer the Supreme Primarch.” That seemed to catch Lucifer’s attention and his eyes focused on Sandalphon. His expression remained neutral.

“Sandalphon, how are you?” His tone was calm. During their conversation so far Lucifer never accused him of anything nor did he raise the topic about his past, _their past_. Sandalphon was caught off guard by the question because it was the first personal question Lucifer asked him since he was back.

“Me? I’m fine, as I’ve always been.” Sandalphon didn’t hesitate for his answer. A smile ghosted on Lucifer’s mouth.

“Is that so? Then I am glad.”

 

…

“Lucifer, I brought you coffee.”

“Thank you, Sandalphon.” Lucifer was waiting for him, already seated on his bed. Sandalphon set the tray down on the nightstand – a single cup full of the dark lifesaving liquid, no sugar or any other condiments. The presentation was excessive, Sandalphon could have just carried the cup in his hand but this was the first time he was making coffee for Lucifer in over 2000 years and although he told the rest of the crew in the kitchen that he wasn’t afraid of what Lucifer would say, deep down he cared. He cared very much whether Lucifer liked it or not.

    Lucifer blinked.

“Aren’t you going to drink as well?” He asked surprised at the single cup.

“It’s all for you.” Sandalphon offered him the cup and Lucifer eagerly took it. The Supreme Primarch then seated himself on his usual place – the chair besides Lucifer’s bed while the latter enjoyed the aroma of the hot beverage. After a few more minutes he took his first sip. Lucifer blinked in surprise again. Sandalphon smiled in satisfaction.

“You have really improved.”

“I had a lot of time to practice.” _In that rotten cocoon prison of yours._

    They remained together while Lucifer finished his coffee. Lucifer asked him questions about his day, the crew and making coffee - it was mundane chatter to keep the silence between them away. Sandalphon entertained him by replying with answers as full as possible. It was similar to how things were during their little coffee meetings 2000 years ago except that back then Lucifer was the one who did most of the talking while Sandalphon eagerly listened, now the positions were switched. Sandalphon wanted to try to be more engaging as well but he didn’t know what he could possibly ask about Lucifer’s life without spiraling into his own mental hell.

   Plus, asking him about how dying felt would be poor taste unbefitting of him.

“I think this is the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had.” Lucifer complimented him once again when he finished and reached out to put the cup down on the tray. Sandalphon carried a content smile, his cheeks warming up.

“Then I will know to prepare more for you.” He got up from his feet and went to get the tray. When he reached the door, ready to leave, Lucifer finally spoke out.

“Wait, Sandalphon.” Sandalphon immediately turned back to him. “…I haven’t had coffee in over 2 000 years. This is better than I remember it.”

“Huh, why?” Sandalphon was too perplexed by Lucifer’s confession to process it, let alone plan his next words so he just blurted out the question like he didn’t know the answer to it deep down.

“After the rebellion, I didn’t have the opportunity to.” Lucifer explained. Something unpleasant settled in Sandalphon’s chest. His eyes turned cold.

“I see.” His tone was levelled. “You must have been busy.”

    He said and then left, closing the door behind him. Lucifer didn’t try to say anything.

 

…

   The following day they went for breakfast at Lucifer’s urging. Sandalphon accepted with little resistance, wanting to indulge him with his requests. It was Lucifer’s first time walking around the crew hallways – likely his first time ever walking around a skydweller ship. He spent so much time watching over the world and its people that he never had the opportunity to experience what they did or do what they did. Thus everything he saw was very fascinating to him.

    Sandalphon guided him in a familiar silence. He wasn’t wearing his armor while Lucifer was dressed in only his thin shirt, pants and boots. He told him it was just for breakfast and a lot of the crew dressed lightly for it so Lucifer didn’t have to bother to go in full gear. In fact Sandalphon had seen plenty of crew members go to breakfast in questionable to obscene clothes, or lack of them, but he spared Lucifer the details.

 _“I don’t know what he’s expecting exactly…”_ Sandalphon had second-thoughts about the entire idea the closer they got the mess hall but it was too late to turn back. They went for breakfast during the crew’s first shift and it was still packed with far too many people.

“I didn’t expect for it to be so busy.” Lucifer commented mildly bemused at the crowd in the crew’s large mess hall.

“Well yes, this is a big crew and there’s only one mess hall for breakfast.” Sandalphon commented dryly as they queued on the long line. He was glad that the crew was so big so their presence went unnoticed in the crowd.

“Would you…like to try the food?” Sandalphon asked him cautiously while Lucifer was looking around bewitched by the various people and various conversations taking place around them. It reminded Sandalphon a bit of an overexcited kid at a playground. 

“I would be delighted to.” Lucifer smiled faintly at him and Sandalphon had the excuse not to look at him by instead looking at the menu. The menu was planned for every week and it was drawn on a chalkboard above the serving stations. Crew members were periodically rotated in cleaning, cooking and serving duties, with some of the crew members solely dealing with maintenance duties.

“Then, what would you like?” Sandalphon asked and Lucifer looked puzzled at the menu. He put his hand under his chin, pondering. The menu wasn’t that rich and Sandalphon didn’t know why Lucifer was thinking so deeply about it and taking so long to make his choice. He decided to help with a suggestion.

“Since you’re still recovering I would recommend something lighter, perhaps porridge.”

“Ah, I see. Then I will have that.” Lucifer nodded. “And what are you having?”

“Cappuccino. I don’t normally eat.” Earlier Sandalphon was baffled when Lucifer asked him about the crew’s breakfast habits and then asked whether they could go for breakfast. Primal beasts didn’t require nutrition – they were beings of remarkable endurance created as tools and weapons of war. A tool that wasted time and needed resources for itself wasn’t considered an effective one.

    Despite the crowd they reached the serving station relatively fast. The one that that served was a blond knight with a big grin.

“Good morning, what would you like?”

“Porridge, please. And a cappuccino for him.” Lucifer asked politely.

“Come right up, Lucio—oh wait!” The knight gasped and his mouth remained wide open in surprise. “You...you’re the…” He barely managed to mumble out and Lucifer gave him a confused look.

“Close your mouth or a fly will get in, Vane.” Sandalphon’s sharp glare, accompanied by his frown pulled the knight from his stupor.

“Ah, sorry about that. Porridge and cappuccino, coming right up!” Vane laughed nervously and went to take care of their order.

“What happened?” Lucifer asked Sandalphon in a lowered voice while they waited.

“Ignore him.” Sandalphon simply answered.

    Their ordered was prepared on a tray at the bottom of the serving station and Lucifer went to pick it up while Sandalphon went to save two seats. The mess hall was a puzzle of long wooden tables and benches close to each other. There was zero chance for complete privacy and Sandalphon knew that so he picked a spot close to some people he knew weren’t the chatty type.

    Lucifer quickly found him in the crowd and went to their table. He put the tray down. They sat opposites each other. Sandalphon wasn’t eating anything so it was just him and his mug full of cappuccino. Lucifer had a tray with a bowl of porridge on it and a glass of water. He looked at it, carefully analyzing the content of his bowl as if it was one of Lucilius’ latest creations.

“Aren’t you going to eat it?” Sandalphon huffed in amusement.

“Yes. I do plan to.” Lucifer picked up his spoon and hesitantly brought a spoonful to his mouth. After a brief moment of contemplating he took a bite. When he was done chewing and swallowed, Sandalphon was eager for his output.

“How do you find it?”

“It has a bland taste but I don’t mind it.” Sandalphon snorted. Yeah, the crew’s porridge wasn’t the tastiest thing in the menu. Sandalphon had little trust in their coffee as well but considering the fact that last time he complained they put him in the position of a barista and had to serve the rest of the crew, he was going to keep his mouth shut.

     A few girls – Lyria, Io and the Singularity were seated on the roll behind theirs. They occasionally peeked at them, commenting in whispers and snickering. Little did they know that as primal beasts, beings with acute senses, they could actually hear them. Lucifer either didn’t notice it or choose to ignore it – his back was turned towards them, which left Sandalphon shooting an occasional glare whenever they looked towards them and chuckled.

“Sandalphon’s friend is a lot nicer than Sandalphon.” Io mumbled and then took a bite from her apple. Lyria grinned.

“Sandalphon looks a lot happier now doesn’t he?” Io rolled her eyes and the Singularity chuckled. Sandalphon made a noise to clear his throat, which caught Lucifer’s and the girls’ attention.

“I don’t mind being the center of attention but I would prefer if people expressed their admiration directly rather than talk behind my back.” He said in a loud enough voice that everyone around him could hear. The girls stopped talking and Io’s cheeks turned red in embarrassment and anger. Lyria looked down towards her bowl, guilty and dug her porridge with a spoon. The Singularity looked away, pretending like nothing happened.

“What was that?” Lucifer paused his meal, still confused at the exchange.

“It’s nothing.” Sandalphon brought the cup to his lips and took a sip. Lucifer continued eating.

    When he was done, the cappuccino in Sandalphon’s mug was finished a long time ago.

“So how do you find your first meal aboard the Grand Cypher?” He asked, attempting to make small talk.

“It was good. This is actually the first time I’m eating food.”

“What? Seriously?” Sandalphon gasped. “You’ve never had food before?”

“As you’ve said, primal beasts don’t require nutrition and so, I didn’t have the opportunity to partake in food stuff before.” Lucifer explained plainly.

“I see…you were busy. Of course.” Sandalphon shut his mouth. An unpleasant feeling burned inside him again but he managed to bury it deep inside once more and remained composed.

   They got up - Lucifer went to put the tray as instructed while Sandalphon waited by the entrance. On their way back to Lucifer’s room, Lucifer had another request.

“I would like if you could tell me about the different cuisines you’ve tried in your journey.”

“As you wish but talking is one thing, tasting is whole different thing.” Sandalphon laughed.

 

…

   Sandalphon had his own room. His room was no different than Lucifer’s, although a bit larger and he kept his clothes, gear and a few trinkets in there. However since Lucifer’s return, he spent most of his time beside him – the only time he wasn’t around was when he joined the crew to help with a village’s request or whenever he joined the Singularity, blue-haired girl and the red dragon for morning coffee. He was barely using his room and that included his bed. Sandalphon really needed to rest but still felt uneasy leaving Lucifer’s side for longer periods of time. So, he came up with a solution.

“What are you doing?” Lucifer asked him one late evening when Sandalphon dragged a large ball of fabric with some ropes attached to it into his room.

“I thought that your room needs a little bit of redecorating…Do you mind if I stay here?” He lowered his head as he dragged the ropes from the hall and closed the door behind him.

“Feel free, but what is that?” Lucifer looked at the fabric with curiosity. It appeared old and worn. The fabric was too rough to be a blanket and too thick and big to be curtains for the tiny window.  

“This is a hammock. You use it for sleeping. It’s more compact, I think.” Sandalphon explained briefly as he started working on setting it up. First Sandalphon had to decide where to set it. There was a wooden frame by the wall, where the trunk was at, that Sandalphon thought he could attach the ropes to.

“Are you certain that it is structurally stable?” Lucifer watched him from the bed, concerned.

“Of course it is.” Sandalphon answered confidently.

   He struggled a bit with tying it up. He barely remembers the ties the Singularity taught him but he managed to make it work and after an hour of work, the hammock was set up. He looked with pride at his invention; he turned back to Lucifer to gauge his reaction and looked for approval. The latter had a bland smile on his face.

“Well it’s a bit, cramped but…do you mind?” Sandalphon nervously scratched the back of his head.

“None at all.” Lucifer reassured him again. He offered to help him earlier but Sandalphon fervently denied, not wanting to trouble Lucifer and disturbing his recovery, plus he was fairly confident that he could handle it by himself. 

    He got a spare pillow from his room and rushed back to Lucifer’s room so that they could head to bed. When he got back, Lucifer was already lying on his side, with his eyes closed. Sandalphon turned the lights off, threw the pillow on the hammock and got in. It was a weird but pleasant sensation, very different from lying on a bed. Sandalphon relaxed and closed his eyes.

“Good night, Lucifer.”

“Good night, Sandalphon.”

 

    During the night, Sandalphon’s nightmares assaulted his peaceful sleep. The familiar feelings of fear, terror and pain that accompanied his nightmares after Lucifer’s death and made him wake up every night with his eyes burning were gone. Instead they were replaced by the past and future. The past in which he was a guinea pig that the Astrals did whatever they wished with. The past in which he fought in the rebellion and was stopped by the Supreme Primarch’s brilliant light. The past in which he rotted in Pandemonium’s darkness. The future in which Lucifer finally admits his disappointment in him and stops displaying that righteous sense of pity of his by staying with him.

_“I still haven’t talked to him…”_

_“Just because I pretend like nothing happened doesn’t mean that nothing happened.”_

_“Once he recovers and no longer needs you, you’re going to be left useless and alone.”_

   He grunted and trashed in his sleep until, eventually, the badly put together hammock gave under his weight and frantic movement and he fell half a meter down on the floor with a loud thumb.

“Sandalphon?” Lucifer immediately woke up and that just made Sandalphon want to sink through the floor. He didn’t say anything and just lied face down in shame, expecting Lucifer to either ignore him or ridicule him.

“Are you alright?” Lucifer asked.

“I…I was just…” His voice trailed off. His eyes were burning and his face felt hot. Lucifer slipped out of his bed and moved towards him in the darkness. He crouched down beside him and Sandalphon lifted his head towards him, trying his best to hold back the tears.

    Lucifer’s expression was concerned.

“You’re very tired, I can sense it. Come rest besides me.” Lucifer invited.

“I…I…okey.” Sandalphon was too exhausted. He didn’t have the strength to deny his invitation. Lucifer extended his hand and he took it. A strong pull brought Sandalphon to his feet and they both went to the bed.

    They lied on their side, back to back with Sandalphon not daring to move. He was so stiff that he thought that he won’t be able to sleep the rest of the night but when he listened to Lucifer’s calm breathing besides him, Sandalphon too fell in a deep slumber.

 

    The morning was awkward. The bed wasn’t small but it definitely wasn’t big enough to hold two men sleeping besides each other at a respectable distance. So when Sandalphon overslept and woke up with his face in Lucifer’s chest and his arms around Lucifer’s waist, clinging to him for dear life as Lucifer’s hand gently stroked his head, Sandalphon had a freak out. Thankfully, not something Lucifer noticed.

“Good morning, Sandalphon. Did you rest well?” Lucifer greeted once he sensed that the other was awake. Sandalphon nodded in his chest, not daring to look up from embarrassment. They were so close, closer than ever – legs tangled and he could feel Lucifer’s warm breathing on his hair. Sandalphon remained completely flabbergasted for five minutes while Lucifer patiently stroked his hair.

“Yes…thank you.” He released his grip and slid out of the bed. He turned his back to Lucifer and went to put on his boots. “I…I am going to make coffee. I’ll be back in a few minutes…”

    He didn’t return until the evening.  Lucifer didn’t look too concerned and didn’t raise any questions about his absence or where the coffee was. Sandalphon tried is best to pretend like nothing happened.

     After that _incident_ Sandalphon started sleeping in his bed again.

 

…

    A few days later, Sandalphon went to ask Lucifer whether he would like coffee only to see that the latter was out of bed and rummaging the trunk for his equipment. He managed to put on his belts and the cloth around his waist and was looking for his vest.

“What are you doing?” Sandalphon inquired with a polite tone.

“I’ve spend most of my days in this room and I wanted to take a walk around the ship for a change of pace.” Lucifer explained. He figured that putting on his armor would be excessive but he wasn’t sick anymore so he should at the very least try to dress properly.

“Let me help you with that.” Sandalphon offered.

“I’m fine. I can take care of it myself.” Lucifer answered dismissively. He noticed that his swords were missing - he would have to ask the crew’s captain where his weapons were.

“But you’re still weak.” Sandalphon argued.

“I said I’m _fine_ , Sandalphon.” There was a bit more bite behind Lucifer’s voice which caused needles to sink in Sandalphon’s chest. More unpleasant emotions flared up by the pain but he steeled himself. He took a step back.

“Okey then, I’ll be on my way. See you later.” He said sharply and turned on his heels, heading for the door.

“Sandalphon --“

      The door shut behind him and Sandalphon didn’t hear him finish.

 

    Two hours later, Sandalphon still mulled over what transpired in Lucifer’s room. Lucifer’s recovery was coming to its end. Whatever happened afterwards was beyond his control because it was up to Lucifer to decide and he couldn’t _force_ Lucifer to stay by his side if he didn’t want to, could he?

 _“I still need to talk to him…”_ He definitely knew that he overreacted so that was just another thing to add to the list of things he had to apologize for.

_“I am such a failure…”_

     He went on the upper deck, hoping that the fresh air and the sky which he fought and almost died for to protect would help him calm down but his mind was spiraling more and more towards the downwards spiral. Emotions were a dangerous thing – it was something he learned when the emotions of one ancient Astral researcher whose pride wouldn’t let him settle for a peaceful world cause the biggest cataclysm the sky had ever seen.

     He sensed two figures on the upper deck and turned, only to immediately freeze. Lucifer walked beside Lucio alongside the upper deck. They were both talking but the wind didn’t carry their words so Sandalphon couldn’t hear what they were talking about. It was likely Lucio’s doing.

   Eventually, Lucifer noticed Sandalphon glaring at them and smiled faintly, waving towards him. Sandalphon figured that it was invitation so he took the opportunity.

“What are you two doing outside?” Sandalphon inquired with a polite smile, once he was close to them.

“The weather is lovely isn’t it? The sky is clear and I thought that Lucifer would enjoy seeing the sky he loves so much.” Lucio’s tone was jolly.

“We were talking.” Lucifer answered bluntly.

“Ah.” Sandalphon hummed but his voice rang hollow. He glared at Lucio. “So, care to share the topic of conversation or are you going to leave me out of it?” Lucio’s expression turned blank. Meanwhile Lucifer, missing the subtly again, didn’t shy away from revealing it.

“We were talking about Lucilius.”

“Oh.” Sandalphon realized that he made another terrible mistake but he was already committed to it so there was no turning back. He should make a list of things to apologize for at this rate. “What about him?”

“Perhaps I should go.” Lucio’s bland smile was practically plastered on his face.

“No, _stay_. What’s wrong with a little chat between friends.”

    Lucifer sighed.

“To summarize, we were discussing his legacy.”

“And?” Sandalphon urged. With Avatar’s destruction he thought that that was that and now they just had to hunt down the remaining fallen angel and Lucilius and his wretches would only remain as a foul memory to the skies.

“Well, technically…Lucifer is also part Lucilius’ legacy.” Lucio noticed that both Lucifer and Sandalphon were getting uneasy so he tried to keep a pleasant demeanor.  

“What…just what are you saying?” Sandalphon’s voice almost cracked in disbelief.

“It should make little difference to you because you are the Supreme Primarch and you managed to destroy Avatar, but to me it makes a big difference.” Lucifer explained flatly in a monotone voice. Lucifer was the key to Lucilius’ legacy and now that the legacy was destroyed, a key was left without its purpose.

    His death was meant to be permanent, yet he was still there, watching over the sky and surrounded by familiar faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter and finale prob on tuesday...hopefully  
> lucifer talking about retirement  
> me: mister, mister are you sure you can handle that? you can't even pick your own food
> 
> next time: lucifer experiences a medium to moderate midlife crisis, sandy finally works up the GUTS to talk about..things  
> BY THE WAY, I saw the audio preview for part 3 and the very notion of the idea that sandalphon wrote lover letters makes my brain dissolve


	3. realize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> c'est comme ci, c'est comme ça

“I wanted to thank you for taking care of Sandalphon and me.”

…

  Sandalphon felt uneasy.  At the back of his head he felt the ghost sensation of meddling fingers groping through his brain. His sleep was troubled – every night worry made him toss and turn for hours and hours in his bed until eventually the first rays of light come in through the small window.

  Meanwhile everything with Lucifer remained as it was. They continued to spend most of their time together in Lucifer’s room. Lucifer didn’t talk about his revelation from a few days ago. He didn’t talk to him about what worried him. _I just want to help you,_ was at the tip of Sandalphon’s tongue but the cold look in Lucifer’s eyes and the detached way he carried himself right after the conversation with Lucio caused Sandalphon to paralyze in fear of inconveniencing Lucifer even more every time he thought about it.

 _Whatever, I’ll just go make coffee._ He stopped short in front of the door when he heard energetic chatter coming from the kitchen and hesitated. The Singularity, blue-haired girl and red dragon could be very loud in the morning but usually Sandalphon was the one waiting for them to come and not the opposite. He swallowed and entered the kitchen.

  The familiar aroma of coffee wafted in the air.

“Good morning, Sandalphon. Would you like to join us?” Lucifer greeted him with a faint smile, setting down a tray with four cups. The Singularity, Lyria and Vyrn were already seated by the table waiting for their regular cup of coffee. Except that this time the one who prepared the coffee was Lucifer.

“Lucifer’s coffee is really delicious.” Lyria commented. The group was too impatient to wait for it to cool down a bit and the Singularity almost burned her tongue.

“Hehe, as expected of Sandalphon’s coffee master.” Vyrn teased. Lucifer stood by the table, waiting in case Sandalphon wanted to join them so he could get a cup for him as well.

  Sandalphon grimaced.

“Sorry, but I have something to do. I’ll see you later.” He hastily left the kitchen, his heels stomping on the old wooden floor.

“What was that all about?” The Singularity shrugged. Lyria furrowed her brows in thought.

“I…think that Sandalphon is upset we didn’t invite him earlier.” Lyria mumbled, guilty that she forgot to tell him as well.  

   Lucifer contemplated her comment but didn’t say anything and sat down.

…

 

   Lucifer started roaming around the ship more. During his exploration he found a new favourite pastime– reading. The ship’s library wasn’t very big, not as large or as rich as the one he remembered in the Astral Laboratory his friend showed him once upon a time, but there were enough books for him to dig into and occupy himself with for a while.

_“Unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll have enough time to read.” Lucilius told him._

_“It’s fine.”_

_“I suppose. I can’t imagine what new information you’ll find in here considering you already have all the knowledge given to you.” His friend said dismissively._

   Lucifer mostly read books about historic events, the islands’ different cultures and tradition, stories and legends about various heroes the skydwellers admired. Lucifer personally observed most of the events they wrote about, but there was something _special_ about reading the skydwellers’ recollections and point of view. A few times he found himself in disagreement with what was written and other times he saw a view so different than his while also empirical, that Lucifer found himself reconsidering his own opinion.

“You can borrow books if you want.” The curiously looking young man with fake wings and a blue robe informed him and since then a small tower of books piled on Lucifer’s nightstand. He picked a few books in the morning and then returned them the following morning, choosing new books.

    Sandalphon joined him as well, sometimes picking a book for himself, sometimes helping Lucifer with his choice. Together, they both spent their afternoons in Lucifer’s room, reading until the late evening.

   One day, Lucifer suddenly stopped reading, putting his book down on the nightstand and looked at Sandalphon.

“I was thinking about helping in the fight.”

   Sandalphon almost dropped the book in his hands.  

“May I ask why?” He maintained a pleasantly composed tone.

“I have been considering what to do now that I’m…back. I thought that I can contribute to the fight and repay the crew for their kindness.”

“You’re not the Supreme Primarch anymore. You’re not even a Primarch. You’re barely stronger than an average skydweller.” Sandalphon grit his teeth. It was true – without his wings Lucifer didn’t pose any powers. He was certain that even recent primal beasts possessed more power than him. If Lucifer went up against the fallen angels, they’d instantly tear him apart.

“You can’t do anything.” _Which is why you shouldn’t risk yourself again._

“Ordinary people fight in this crew as well. As a Primal I already have the advantage in raw strength and endurance even without the powers of the Supreme Primarch.” It was skydwellers, with their fragile bodies and limited power that managed to overtake the skies and banish the Astrals to their island.

“You’re absolutely ridiculous.” Sandalphon scoffed. “You talked about letting skydwellers decide for themselves and living peacefully but you can’t find a purpose for yourself so you’re just jumping back in the conflict.”

   Sandalphon swallowed a bitter lump.

 _“There’s no closing the gap between the player and the pawn.”_  The most powerful piece on the board, the Queen, was eliminated and the pawn was promoted. But now the discarded piece was trying to get back in the game.

   Lucifer looked at him surprised and Sandalphon’s brain momentary went blank. Not just because of the tone he was using but because he never told Lucifer that he was on the one who found his remains in Canaan. He looked away, biting his lower lip.

“…I was the one who found you in Canaan.”

“Oh.” Lucifer blinked in surprise. “Then you understand how dire the situation was and still is and that all help is needed.”

   Sandalphon’s anger ignited.

“Fine then, if you’re so eager to fight then why don’t you take back the position of Supreme Primarch!” He threw the book away and raised his tone.

“That was your punishment.” Lucifer frowned.

“Yeah, yeah.” Sandalphon sneered, passive aggression leaking from his tone. “Punishment for a sinner like me.”

    Lucifer sighed, his blue eyes flickered past Sandalphon and settled for a second at a random nail in the wall. It was likely put to hang coats and cloaks. 

“I thought you would be able to see the wrongs in your ways and change, Sandalphon.”

“Well, I thought you’d change after you died but I was wrong.”

   Lucifer blinked again. Sandalphon shut his mouth. He realized he went too far and stood up on his feet. He couldn’t bare himself or Lucifer at the moment so he just left.

    They didn’t see each other for a week.

…

 

“Sandalphon, how is Lucifer? The blue-haired girl asked him one morning while they drank coffee.

“I don’t know.” _I don’t care_ , he wanted to say but couldn’t bring himself to. The more he tried to pretend like he didn’t care or that their argument didn’t happen, the more the pain in his chest burned. The added guilt just made it even more unbearable.  

   He sipped on his coffee, staring down at the table.

“I haven’t seen him around the ship lately.” Lyria put a hand under her chin, pondering.

“He joined us when we went to the market three days ago and since then we haven’t seen him.” The Singularity clarified.

“Wait…” His body reacted faster than his brain and he was on his feet. Sandalphon recalled his words about wanting to fight like a skydweller. He wouldn’t just leave that fast would he? Besides where else would he go? _Probably to join a crews that is far away from a failure like me._

“Ah, Sandalphon—“

   Lyria called out but he didn’t hear her. He dashed out of the kitchen and ran towards Lucifer’s room.

“Lucifer!” He gasped when he burst in only to see the latter sitting on his bed, reading a book. Lucifer looked at him surprised.

“Sandalphon?”  

    Sandalphon stumbled with both feet inside, pointing at him with a finger. He tried to utter a question or an accusation but didn’t find the strength to.

“N-never mind…” He lowered his hand and straightened up his back. He made another terrible mistake.

“Sandalphon, are you alright?” Lucifer asked him. He slid off the bed and stood up, walking closer and closer.

“It’s…It’s nothing. Forget this happened.” He immediately turned his back towards him and ran again.

“Sandalphon!” Lucifer called after him but whether Lucifer chased after him or not Sandalphon didn’t know because he ran as fast as he could. He went back to his room and didn’t go out for the rest of the day. Three times, at lunchtime, dinnertime and before bed, Lyria knocked on the door, calling for him but Sandalphon tried to pretend like he wasn’t there.

“Sandalphon, I can sense you’re there.” She didn’t try to force herself in.

   He didn’t say anything.

…

    A few days later, Sandalphon warned the crew that he’s going to skip the morning coffee gathering. The morning that followed, he looked for Lucifer and found him watching over the sunrise on the upper deck. He stood by the railing, without his armor. The morning air was chilly but Lucifer didn’t seem to mind it. The sound of Sandalphon’s heels on the old wood made his presence known to the former Supreme Primarch.

"I can't see as far anymore." Lucifer’s voice was quiet when Sandalphon approached him. Lucifer turned towards him. “Can you?"

  Sandalphon hesitated but nodded. Lucifer understood.

"Lucifer...I need to talk to you." Sandalphon started.

"We talk every day don't we, Sandalphon?” Lucifer pointed out, tone neutral. Sandalphon bit his lower lip. The jab hurt more than he expected but he supposed he deserved it. He really didn't want to do this but he'd been meaning to since the fight with Avatar. Since the cataclysm. Since the rebellion. Since more than 2 000 years.

   However, what was he to say? How was he to start? What words could he use to make Lucifer understand? The questions piled on and on like a lump in his throat and whenever he opened his mouth to try and speak, he felt like he was going to suffocate.

   Eventually Lucifer was the one that broke the silence with a tired sigh. Sandalphon jerked his eyes back to Lucifer. 

"I guess you're still pretty angry at me?" He said sheepish under his gaze. Sandalphon choked out a laugh. The audacity.

"Yeah, I used to be mad at you. Very, very angry with you, Lucifer." _Because. I was hurt. I was in pain._ That pain turned into a self-destructive madness. He kept throwing away pieces of himself until there was nothing left or he was permanent stopped. He wanted the pain to stop…Perhaps deep down he wanted to be destroyed. _To be rid of my misery by you._

“I did, but I don’t anymore.” Sandalphon continued.

"What changed?" Lucifer’s tone remained neutral.

   What had changed? Everything. Everything changed for less than a minute in the Shrine in Canaan. The resentment he felt for Lucifer instantly disappeared once he heard his last words.

_“I thought you wanted to be needed. You wanted to be useful to Lucifer.”_

_“If I could be granted one more request…I’d like to share one more cup of coffee with you…in that shaded garden…Sandal...phon…”_

   Sandalphon laughed again, this time hollow.

"I wonder?"  The person he was 2 000 years ago was gone, buried deep underneath resentment. The person he was 2 years ago was gone as well, burned by fury and self-loathing.

 _“You have to believe that you and Lucifer will understand each other one day…Or you’ll never be happy!"_ The blue-haired girl with no past she could speak of told him that in the empty world Lucifer created. He didn’t understand why she tried so hard, and for a long time he didn’t.  _Compassion._ The concept was completely foreign for him. When Lucifer died, Sandalphon just fell apart. _They_ , Lyria and the crew, were there to help him. Picking up the pieces felt easier, lighter. Sandalphon was thankful.  

“I didn’t…I didn’t think that the crew would accept me. I didn’t think that they would help me. I thought that a villain like me deserved to die alone. Even more so after what happened at Canaan.” Sandalphon exhaled, his warm breath coming out as steam. The sun’s warm rays were peeking over the clouds in the distance and he could hear the crew beneath him start to awaken.

"You destroyed the legacy. That's--"

"That's not enough!” Lucifer’s eyes widened. Sandalphon felt embarrassed for interrupting him and raising his voice. “It can…never be enough for what happened. For what I did to you and the others." He said softly.

"That is why I wanted you to be the Supreme Primarch so that you have the chance to redeem yourself."

"But I...I..." Sandalphon started mumbling, unsure again. Could he change? He wanted to, but his behavior from the past few days spoke otherwise. Even so, he didn’t want to give up like he did in the cocoon. He wanted to believe that he could

"As for me…” Lucifer started firmly, distracting Sandalphon from his thoughts. "I realized that there was no apology I could do for my own mistakes, which is why I…” But he didn’t finish.

_“Longing for something…yearning for someone…Feeling elation when that desire is realized…pain when denied…”_

“You…” Sandalphon took a deep breath.

“You are the most important thing to me.” Sandalphon confessed and Lucifer’s blue eyes widened. “No…You are the most important _person_ to me. The skies, the people…” Sandalphon swallowed, he’d already said it and there was no turning back now. “I’m sorry. For what I did. For the past. I was…I was angry, not just at the world, but at you as well.”

   He remembers the pain and anger. He remembers the fear towards the Astrals’ because of the uncertainty of his fate. He remembers the pain and the following outrage that made him join the rebellion. He remembers rotting in Pandemonium’s oppressive darkness with nothing but anger, resentment and _longing_ for over 2 000 years. He remembers the madness when he was finally free and moved against the Primarch.

   Looking at himself back then he probably could’ve stopped himself. He was in control of himself, wasn’t he? The memory of yelling at the blue-haired girl and the crew once she tried to connect with him amidst the Astral Laboratory’s ruins surfaced to his memory.

“Most of all at, I was angry at myself.” Sandalphon’s mind was running blank white as he spoke. As he confessed. “I wanted to see the world burn. I wanted you to suffer. I wanted you to experience the same pain and humiliation as me. Because I…”

    Sandalphon stopped himself, expecting Lucifer to leave and never return but Lucifer remained there, patiently listening to him.

“Sandalphon?” Lucifer urged, when Sandalphon stopped for more than a minute.

“Because the idea that I was a burden to you. The idea that I was just useless garbage…The idea that I didn’t belong beside you drove me mad.”

 _“But Lucifer needs you!”_ When the blue-haired girl told him that, he scowled at her. Why would Lucifer need him? Care for him? A small part of him wanted to believe her words and that might have been the part that broke them out of the cocoon but back then Sandalphon was too bitter to realize it. His bitter resentment prompted him to drag himself to prove them otherwise only to walk into Lucifer’s remains.

_“Why did this happen to you??”_

   Lucifer remained silent this time, contemplating.

“For that…I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done that.” Sandalphon apologized again. “I still don’t know how you can bare standing near me.” Lucifer was always a complete enigma. He resided so high, high above the Primarch, in a place that Sandalphon couldn’t even hope to reach yet Lucifer always choose to stay beside him, invited him for coffee. _Smiled_ , even if faintly, at him.

“I never blamed you.” Lucifer said again. Sandalphon’s anger ignited but the flame was small. A part of Sandalphon still hated that righteous selflessness Lucifer had. Always ready to sacrifice himself, not even thinking about himself. During his days in the cocoon, sometimes Sandalphon wondered whether Lucifer even qualified as a sentient being. He knew that he did, but back then his resentment was so strong that he considered Lucifer an “it”, not a “he”.

   Sandalphon shrugged.

“Figured, but you know what, Lucifer? I’ve always wanted to be forgiven. Not just by you but by everyone so that, then…Then I could stay in the bright world you reside in and be accepted.” _Who would reach out for an unforgivable villain like me?_

   Lucifer remained silent, again contemplating. Sandalphon interpreted his silence as agreement.  

“That’s very selfish of me, isn’t it? It is very unbecoming of the Supreme Primarch.” Sandalphon closed his eyes briefly and the relief of it was staggering.

 _“Yeah, well…It wasn’t the kind of thing you can just wipe away with an apology, y’know?”_ The red dragon’s words echoed in his minds. He knew - it was one of the few things he was honest with the crew from the get-go when they arrived to his cocoon prison. He knew that no matter what he said, no apology would make up for what he did. His actions as the Supreme Primarch weren’t _fully_ for the sake of redemption either – the anger and resentment he felt was turned towards Lucilius and his faction and it was more than enough to fuel his crusade against them.

   Sandalphon waited for Lucifer to say anything and the silence stretched out.

“We’ve always been equals. At least, that’s how I saw us. I saw us as friends.” Lucifer’s voice turned quiet at the end.

   Lucifer recalled Lucilius again. He recalled his friend and their chatter. Their discussions about the future of the skies. And then he remembered his betrayal. He remembers the blood and Lucilius’ motionless body lying on the white marble, his friend mocking him as he died. He thought they understood each other and that they were equals. He thought they were friends. He was wrong. The rebellion had been a very unpleasant wake-up call.

   He suspected, of course he did, perhaps even way before he confronted him, but Lucifer choose to ignore it. The nagging feeling that something was wrong and the _doubt_ \- he ignored it until it was too late and the damage was done. Lucilius legacy was a legacy of evil but it was also a legacy of Lucifer’s failures. Mistakes and failures that made Sandalphon suffer as well.

“I’m sorry.” Lucifer said as well. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you. If I could go back and change things…I would. But I can’t do that, which is why I thought that if I was away from you then you would be better. I didn’t want to cause you pain.”

   Verbalizing his thoughts and reasons in front of someone was hard. When it came to fulfilling his duties or following orders it was simple. You have to do something and achieve certain results. What everyone else did or thought of was irrelevant. It was a lonesome existence until someone like Sandalphon came along. Sandalphon was very different from him – not just because he didn’t have a predetermined purpose but because he was much freer to express himself and show concern for others. Unlike Lucilius who always asked him of cause and effect, Sandalphon asked him of simple things like _what_ and _why_.

_“Sounds like a lengthy process…But I must say I love that smell.”_

    Sandalphon’s eyes were burning.

“I…” He was too flabbergasted to reply properly at Lucifer’s sudden _correct_ apology and the realization that struck him.

_“But Lucifer was trying to reach out to you!”_

_“Yes. I suppose he was moved to pity by my wretchedness.”_

   He was stupid. He was an idiot. He was an absolute failure of cosmic proportions. Because in the end…everything he’d ever wanted was right in front of him and he was the one that destroyed that happiness.

_Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!_

“Sandalphon!” Lucifer’s alerted voice brought him back to reality. He stood right in front of him, his hands placed on top of his, trying to gently pull them away. Sandalphon had started clutching his throbbing head, ruffling and pulling at his hair. His eyes were closed firmly shut and he could feel tears forming at the edges.

“I …” His voice cracked. Lucifer’s hands grabbed his, firmer, and gently pulled them down. He then started fixing his hair, smoothing out the furled edges, tapping down. Patting him reassuringly. Sandalphon sobbed.

   They stood like that for a few moments – Lucifer groomed him and Sandalphon calmed. 

“I suppose that…from the very beginning I wasn’t very clear and I was selfish as well. I should apologize.”

“Shut up, if you apologize again I’ll cast you down to the Crimson Horizon.” He was done hating Lucifer a long time ago. He didn’t want to hear any more of his apologies – he already paid enough for it.

“I’m…” Lucifer paused himself mid-apology. Sandalphon gave out a meek laugh.

“Why do you still want to stay with me?”

   Lucifer’s expression turned thoughtful and his hands stopped moving. He was having a hard time coming up with a viable conclusion. He then beamed, as if he’d reached the conclusion to all of life’s meaning all over again.

“Because I want to.” There was no hesitation in Lucifer’s answer. Sandalphon’s entire being froze under his touch. “You are also someone very important to me.”

 _More important the skies?_ Sandalphon’s mind interjected again and he cursed himself and his entire existence. He needed to tell the negative committee inside his head to shut up.

“I’ve always enjoyed being with you, Sandalphon.” Lucifer’s soothing voice eased his mind like a healing spell. Like this, it was easier to believe him. It was easier to change.

_“Unless you change, you won’t resolve a thing!”_

“More than anyone else your presence brought me comfort. I cherished the peace shared between us in that garden very dearly.” Sandalphon answered by grasping his hands and moving them to the side of his own face so that Lucifer’s hands were cupping his cheeks. He didn’t look the most presentable, his eyes still red rimmed but he was done running and hiding away.

   Sandalphon sniffed.

“I still…have my past.” Sandalphon didn’t know how to describe…everything. The Astrals. The rebellion. Pandemonium. The cataclysm. Lucifer’s death. Everything, everything was just too much. “My burden is too much.”

“Now that I’m alive, we can share that burden.” Lucifer faintly smiled. “I wish to stay with you.” The smile strengthened, becoming a real one. At Cannan, in the Shrine, when Lucifer believed he was completely alone after he passed his message, he reached an epiphany that he regretted never expressing. Then he regretted never coming to the conclusion prior.

“Yes, I want to stay with you too…”

   Sandalphon smiled as well, his eyes wet like he’s about to cry again, but this time from relief. The pain in his chest was gone instead replaced by a warm, pleasant feeling. He let go of Lucifer’s hands and looked away, embarrassed. His cheeks were warm and he was certain Lucifer could feel it.

“But well…for now…” Lucifer blinked at him. “Your wish was to share one more cup of coffee with me. Let’s do that.”

“I would love to.” Lucifer let go of him and they both headed for the kitchen.

…

  

   A few nights later, Lyria knocked on the door to Lucifer’s room. She waited a moment, and then two until she put her hand on the door handle and slowly opened the door, peaking her head in.

“Lucifer? You said you wanted us to call you for dinner—“

    Lucifer brought a finger to his lips, signaling her to be quiet. Lyria covered her mouth. Sandalphon was peacefully sleep.

    Lucifer was sitting on his bed, holding a book with one hand, his other hand gently stroking Sandalphon’s hair. The latter was asleep, lying beside Lucifer’s lap, his arms around his waist. It was a bit of an awkward position but Sandalphon was too deep asleep to notice or care.

“I apologize, but I will have to pass.” Lucifer said softly and Lyria nodded.

    She grinned and gently closed the door behind her.

 

\- End –

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've made it this far thank you very much for reading!! all your feedback is really appriciated!
> 
> I don't think they've quite gotten around the l-word, at least at this point not so I don't know if this count as a confession, BUT they are official by the end, yes, yes they are  
> this fic is very self-indulgent on my part (among other things - you think I wouldn't write sandy taking the role of an overly clingy nurse or cuddling?? think again!!!)...I mostly did it for the sanluci agenda +distracting myself from...losing my mind and waiting for part 3--I...might revisit this au depending on how 000 goes,,,  
> I'd probably tweak lucifers apologize but it wouldve sounded kinda off in the context of what ...was going on
> 
> it was good to enable myself,


	4. to continue that future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passed and a gentle peace spread across the skies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres an ofuro scene so theres nudity involved, BUT nothing really sexual happens, uh

    Few weeks passed since Sandalphon and Lucifer finally recognized each other as equals. All the positive and all the negative, the past, present, future – it was all motions of emotions and ideas on which they reached an understanding on. After their conversation on the Grancypher’s upper deck, the distance between them was melting away with each passing day.

   Sandalphon’s position as the Supreme Primarch strengthened and he gradually learned how to find peace with himself and let go of his past bitterness, replacing it with the strength born from love, instead of strength gained from resentment and hatred. It was love for the world and love for those around him – for Lucifer, for the crew, for the skyfarers, the world he lived in. Every precious person and precious thing in existence.

   Lucifer, himself eager to experience life in this realm for himself, held Sandalphon’s hand with each step forward. There were still many things he was yet to learn about and understand, but together it felt less of a burden.

_The heart is a bundle of contradictions._

They spend most of their days exploring the ship and occasionally joining the crew when they went to an island’s city. At night they were either in Lucifer’s or Sandalphon’s room, reading and talking about places they would like to go until it was late.

   Eventually the singularity told that they should just share a room and offered them a spare room with a big bed. A single bed.

“Singularity…” Sandalphon mumbled, but didn’t say anything more when she grinned back at him. Lucifer didn’t seem troubled by the arrangement.

“Good night, Sandalphon.” Lucifer pulled the blanket over them, tucking Sandalphon in.

“Good night, Lucifer.” Sandalphon lied stiff on his side.

    However to Sandalphon the situation was a bit more complicated. Although talking to Lucifer had gotten a great deal easier, to the point where he could confidently say that they were more open with each other compared to things 2000 years ago, _intimacy_ was an entirely different situation. There was still that reluctance to be close to Lucifer. Like he didn’t belong there. Like he was trespassing on something too sacred.

     Even so, Lucifer’s sleeping expression was so ethereally beautiful that Sandalphon sometimes felt the urge to touch it, just to make sure that everything was real and not some type of dream.  It also took all of his strength to refrain from doing so.

     One late night, Sandalphon told Lucifer to head to bed before him, because he was going to shower. The crew’s showers were public, separated by thick curtains for privacy. Regardless of that, Sandalphon preferred to go late at night or early in the morning when it was the least populated. People respected each other, but Sandalphon still wasn’t used to being surrounded by so many faces, even if they weren’t strangers by now.

    It was a rare occasion, but the showers were completely empty that night. Sandalphon took off his clothes, grabbed his towel and hastily went in the showers. At first the heat from the water felt scourging against his skin, but he quickly got used to the warmth as it was much more preferable to the nightly chill in the bathing area. The stream beating against his back eased the tension building on his shoulders and he managed himself into a relaxing trance, simply enjoying the warm water for a few minutes.

    Just before he was about to start washing his body, he felt a familiar presence.  Against his better judgment he peaked outside, only to see Lucifer the process of removing his shirt. Lucifer stopped, mid-pull and blinked. He smiled at Sandalphon, whom was completely naked and staring at him from behind his curtain.

“Lu…Lucifer…” He finally got out after an intense minute of silence.

“Sandalphon, I hope you don’t mind, if I join you.” The stall next to his was empty.

“No...Not at all.” He answered without thinking or its implication. Lucifer quickly stripped down naked, but instead of stepping into a different stall, he stepped in Sandalphon’s. Sandalphon bit his lower lip, trying to maintain a perfectly stoic face, or as much as he could manage when Lucifer scooted next to him under the stream for warmth. While the stall was big enough for two people…

 _He’s so…close._ Sandalphon swallowed hard. Their backs were almost pressed against each other and with even the tiniest movements they made skin to skin contact.

   Lucifer was a lot more time-efficient with his showers. He didn’t stay under the stream to soak, but immediately started with washing his hair. After he rinsed it and wiped his eyes, he turned to Sandalphon, with a thoughtful expression.

“Sandalphon, do you mind helping me?” Sandalphon blinked and Lucifer motioned to his back. “Could you please wash my back?”

    Sandalphon almost swallowed his tongue.

“Yes, of course.” With a shaky hand, he grabbed the washcloth and Lucifer turned. There was an exhale, akin to a sight and Sandalphon started carefully, washing it.

    Lucifer’s shoulders relaxed and he lowered his head, droplets falling down from his hair. There was the occasional shiver, as he had to step out of the water stream, but Sandalphon’s warm hands and the cloth on his back felt like a pleasant contrast.

   Sandalphon started washing from his nape and gradually moved down. Lucifer’s back looked so much smaller without his wings, but his form was nothing to scoff at. His physique was impressive. _Truly someone worthy to be considered a  masterpiece._ He thought, dully.

     He reached the shoulder blades and there was a burning sensation in his chest, going up to his cheeks. A part of him wanted to kiss them.

“It used to be harder to wash before.” Lucifer’s voice pulled him back to reality and Sandalphon’s hand continued rubbing his skin with the washcloth.

“Ah, I guess…with all of those wings.” He said, slightly embarrassed he dozed off like that.

“Yes…That’s why Lucilius used to help me wi—ah, Sandalphon.” Lucifer winced and his body tensed up. Sandalphon blinked back to reality again.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” The apology was as hasty as the following shame. At the mere mention of that name, Sandalphon started moving on autopilot. He was scrubbing so hard that Lucifer’s pale skin turned bright red.

“I’m so sorry...” He repeated himself. Sandalphon momentarily closed his eyes, trying to regain his peace. Lucilius was just a nightmare from the past that deserved to be forgotten and nothing else.  

“It’s fine.” Lucifer relaxed his shoulders. Sandalphon continued carefully scrubbing his back with a stiff hand. He helped him rinse and that’s when Lucifer turned to face him and there was that same smile on his face, which washed away all his fears and anxieties.

“Do you want me to wash your hair?”

“S…sure.” A stiff nod.

   It was Sandalphon’s turn to turn his back. He stepped out of the warm stream and his body instantly shivered, because of the different temperature. The water and steam reached the lower half of his body, but the nightly chill was biting into his chest.

   This didn’t escape Lucifer’s notice. With no delay or hesitance, he poured a bit of the shampoo on his palm and started rubbing it into Sandalphon’s hair. His hold was firm, but gentle. There was a lot of efficiency and care put into his movement.

   Meanwhile the scalp massage eased Sandalphon’s nerves enough so that he felt like he was about to melt away.

“Please close your eyes.” Sandalphon obeyed. Lucifer carefully pulled his hair back and ran his fingers through his hair, rinsing it until all the soap was washed off.

“All done.”

“Thanks.” Sandalphon’s straightened his back and stepped back into the stream’s warmth. He quickly washed his body on his own, despite Lucifer’s second _helpful offer_.

“It’s fine. I got this.” The ringing in his ears was loud, but not loud enough for him to agree into this again. The threat of his knees giving in and him slipping was a very serious one.

    When they were done, both stepped outside into the hallway and quickly covered themselves with a towel.

“Thank you for earlier.” Without any warning or notice, Lucifer leaned close to his face and kissed his cheek. It was a brief peck, but Sandalphon remained completely petrified in his stance. Lucifer took a few steps forward and soon stopped as well, turning back only to see that Sandalphon wasn’t walking with him.

“Lucifer.” Sandalphon said with a tense expression. “What are you doing?”

“Hm? I saw others do it and I was told that it was a showcase of affection between skydwellers.”

   No answer.

“I apologize if I overstepped my boundaries.” Something flickered and died in Lucifer’s eyes.

“No, no, no.” Sandalphon gasped, waving his hands in definite denial. “It’s just…that…” The words died in his throat. Perhaps it was best to just show him.

   Wordlessly, Sandalphon walked up to him with a determined face. _No backing out of this._ He put his hands on the side of Lucifer’s face and pulled his head down to his.

“This is how they do it.” Deep red peered into pale blue. Sandalphon hesitated for a moment, waiting for some sort of rejection, but instead Lucifer’s wide eyes closed and they both leaned closer and closer until their lips gently pressed against each other.

   Time seemingly stopped and the only thing Sandalphon could hear was his own heartbeat. Once the ringing his ears passed and Sandalphon’s mind cleared, their lips were still touching and there was a burning longing in his chest. He moved closer, deepening the kiss and savoring the taste and softness of Lucifer’s lips. Lucifer reciprocated, somewhat uncertain and with a childishly petty glee, Sandalphon realized that Lucifer probably hasn’t kissed anyone before.

   Lucifer put his hands on Sandalphon’s shoulders, steadying himself as the kiss continued into something more. Something more advanced and more passionate. In the resulting scuffle, both persons’ towels fell on the ground, pooling around their feet, but neither seemed to care.

   They were right where they’ve always wanted to be – in each other’s presence.  

   It was a brief moment in their eternity, but that moment passed once the door opened and a third person entered the hallway leading up to the showers. The kiss broke and Sandalphon gaped back at the intruder while Lucifer’s mouth remained partially opened, confused at the abrupt end. 

“Wow, my dudes, sorry for cramping the party, I didn’t know it was a private duet!” Lowain’s expression was equally shocked as Sandalphon’s.

“No, it’s fine. We just finished up with the showers.” Lucifer straightened his back and crouched down to pick up his towel and Sandalphon’s only to hand it back to him. Sandalphon wanted to scream at him.

“Lucifer!!” He called his name instead, almost as if scolding him only to be met with another puzzled expression. Sandalphon didn’t dignify him with an explanation as it wasn’t the time or place to teach him about the finer subtleties of skydwellers’ perception. He grumbled something incoherent and hastily wrapped the towel around his waist. Sandalphon grabbed Lucifer’s hand, practically dragging him out of the communal showers, whilst Lucifer was haphazardly trying to put his own towel on.

   Back in the privacy of their room, Lucifer questioned him about what had just transpired. Sandalphon was thankful that he was in the process of putting on his shirt, because he could hide his momentarily flabbergasted face from him. Instead, he scoffed and in response to Lucifer’s obliviousness, he threw his discarded towel at him.  

  They still had a lot to work on in regards to their communication issues.

…

  

   Time passed and a gentle peace spread across the skies.

   During one of the crew’s many stops in order to restock, the members were experiencing a growing rarity – a vacation. There were no requests from the villagers, nor any sudden emergencies, so everyone was left to wander on their own for the day.  

   Sandalphon used to spend days like these barricaded in his own room, but thanks to the crew’s enthusiasm, he started looking forward to visiting different islands, because he could try their coffee. He used to wonder what Lucifer would think upon seeing the various way skydwellers adapted to coffee and learned to enjoy it. Now, he had the opportunity to show it to him personally.

“Lucifer.” It was late morning and he knocked before entering the room. There was still that element of self-consciousness around Lucifer, but he was gradually breaking that old habit of his. They’d spend enough time around each other, up-close, so it was a given to avoid a lot of the past formalities.

   There was no answer and he partially opened the door, poking his head in. The room was empty. Their bed was made and a stack of books was neatly piled on the nightstand, but no sight of Lucifer.

“He’s probably already in the city.” Sandalphon sighed, closing the door behind him. Some things never changed and Lucifer’s tendency to run off on his own certainly hadn’t.

   Sandalphon made his way out of the ship, politely greeting a few crew members who waved at him. After giving the port a studying glare, he quickly concluded that despite the village being small, the port was very crowded and there were too many faces to find the one he was looking for.  

“Sandalphon!” A familiar voice called and something bumped into him from behind. It was the blue-haired girl hugging him, her slim arms going around his waist as she buried her face in his hoodie.

“Lyria.” He sighed, patting her head. “What are you doing here?”

“We saw you wandering around and we wanted to know if you’d join us!” Running after her was the crew’s captain and Vyrn slowly lagging behind.

“Jeez Lyria! Don’t run off like that.” The tiny red dragon complained in between trying to catch his breath.

“We kept calling for you, but you didn’t notice. Lyria saw your scowling face and immediately ran halfway across the port to catch you.” The captain teased and Sandalphon’s cheeks faintly dusted with color from embarrassment. In his single-minded search for Lucifer, he was completely oblivious.

“So, will you join us?” Lyria looked up to him with a wide grin.

“Well…I guess it wouldn’t hurt.” He agreed.

    Peaceful days paved the way for warm memories. Memories of their kind eyes. Memories of the crew and their gentle smiles. There was patience, care and childish stubbornness when it came to Sandalphon, waiting for him to grasp the extended hand on his own.

   With that they gave him a gift. _Compassion and understanding_. Theirs was the comforting shelter during his darkest times. To be loved. To be reassured. To be told that he matters. Sandalphon still didn’t know if he could ever repay to them for what they did, but…

“You’ve been staring at that croissant so intently. If you want it so badly, I’ll just get it for you.”

“Ahaha, no, no. I was just thinking that the chocolate chips give it a cute face!“ Lyria laughed nervously. Sandalphon huffed amused. He bought one from the baker and gave the paper bag to Lyria. She tried to look like she didn’t want it, but the way her eyes lit up, when she saw it betrayed her.

“You’re way too easy to read sometimes.” Sandalphon smirked.

   But little by little, he wanted to show his gratitude to them and to show just how much they mean to him.

   The rest of the day was spent going through various vendors, food stalls and general window shopping. Sandalphon rarely bought things for himself and usually just tagged behind them.

    Late into the afternoon, they went back to the port and decided to head back to the ship early, but in the corner of his vision, Sandalphon noticed someone he’d been idly looking for the whole day. There was a small corner café and from the window he saw a white-haired man. His heart sped up, because that visage was unmistakably…

_Lucifer!_

“Sorry, but head back without me. I’ll come later.”

“Ah, Sandalphon—“

    Sandalphon practically ran into the café, only to remain completely dumbstruck by the sight of Lucifer and _Gabriel_ drinking coffee together. She smiled the entire time he made his way in to their table, unlike Lucifer whom had his back turned to him, so he didn’t notice.

“Hello, Sandy. We haven’t seen each other in a while.” Gabriel was wearing casual clothes to fit in with the skydwellers.

“Sandalphon, would you like to join us?” Lucifer turned, looking up to him and Sandalphon shook his head.

“It’s getting kind of late and I wouldn’t want to delay us further.”

“Ah, I hope you didn’t mind me borrowing him, Supreme Primarch.” Gabriel’s chuckle was a soft, fluttering sound.

“No...Not at all.” Sandalphon defensively denied. Their coffee cups were empty and Sandalphon just assumed that they were finished, but perhaps there was more to their meeting than a simple coincidence.  

_“I wished to see you and the rest. Unfortunately, as I’ve lost my powers and I didn’t have any means to contact you.”_

_“I’m sure Mikey will try to contact you when she’s ready. Uriel and Raphael are doing fine.”_

“I suppose it is time for us to go…” There was something sad in Lucifer’s voice. He didn’t want to leave yet – there were many more questions on his mind. But Gabriel gave him enough breadcrumbs to figure out the rest on his own, didn’t she? “I’m glad I got to see you, Gabriel.”

“The pleasure is all mine. But I must say, Lucifer…” The name still felt awkward on her tongue, but she wanted to fix that. “You look a lot prettier when you’re smiling.”

    Sandalphon gasped. His mouth remained open for longer than he would like to admit, but nothing other than Gabriel’s knowing smile indicated that his reaction was noticed to begin with.  

“Thank you.” Lucifer smiled back.

  They made their way out of the café and out into the bustling street. The sun in the horizon was setting, coloring the sky in orange, red and yellow hues. Many people were heading back to their homes at the end of the day, so the streets were crowded.

  They scooted closer to each other so they don’t get lost in the crowd. Lucifer’s hand gently, lightly touched the back of Sandalphon’s. He lowered his head, almost as if trying to express just how defenseless and small he felt sometimes – he didn’t wish to repeat past mistakes, nor did he wish to cause any more grieving. It was unbearable to think about.

   However all of his doubts were erased when Sandalphon grasped his hand. A warm comforting feeling settled down in his chest.

“Let’s go back, Sandalphon.” Lucifer squeezed it, holding on to it firmly.

“Yeah, let’s go.” _To our home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, thank you for reading! I appreciate your feedback
> 
> this is basically fanservice really. I wanted to release an extra chapter of sorts...call it a chapter 0? an ova? I don't know, its unneeded technicalities, but the point is that I said that I'd -maybe- revisit this au if 000 buried me, and well IT DID.  
> I didnt want to add it ass a -series- so I'm updating this as a bonus chapter, I apologize for awkwardness.
> 
> also, self-advertisement corner: I have a different sanluci AU that's set post-000 and cough, soon!


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